Unfortunately, one of the downsides of living in Islington (an assumed fancy borough) is that although we have an M&S Food, a Waitrose, a Planet flippin’ Organic, we have no Lidl or Aldi. A travesty in my mind, as discovering what randomness Lidl’s middle aisle has each week is one of life’s small pleasures, surely?
The Middle Aisle
Who knows what treats we’ll be in for
Inside our favourite German store?
Where every week a new surprise
Upon which we can lay our eyes,
Calls out for us to buy, in greed
Especially something we don’t need.
Behold! the aisle right in the middle
Of discount supermarket Lidl.
The veg is cheap, you say ‘buy eight!’
Well just eat sprouts for 6 days straight.
The posh French cheese, that ham that’s sliced
That is, in Waitrose, overpriced
Will fill your trolley before you see
The middle aisle that’s legendary.
This central space within the shop
Won’t fail to cause our jaw to drop
One week you’ll buy a snooker cue
The next bring home a barbecue
Don’t fancy an an electric griddle?
You’ll want one now it’s sold in Lidl.
Even if you only go for bread
You’ll buy a folding ladder instead.
My friends, alas, miss out on these,
Content to frequent Sainsbury’s.
I tell them of the stuff they’ll see
Yet they opt for home delivery.
Each week our Lidl trip’s a treat
We don’t really go for things to eat
We go to bring home useless tat
No Morrison’s would offer that!
So come Saturday, through wind or rain,
We make the trek via bus and train
Like pilgrims to our holy place
We wonder what junk we’ll embrace.
Like kids we run the final mile!
The beacon! It shines! the Middle aisle!
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