London Tourists – and other Summer Holiday complaints

telephone boxSummer holidays mean one thing for us Londoners – hell. Why, we ask, are these swarms of people descending on our turf/tarmac? Maybe it’s time to escape the big smoke…

 

The ability to spot a tourist comes as second nature after living in London for a few years. If it’s not the tell-tale backpack (with optional front-pack) or the matching caps, it’s the M+M souvenirs or London hoody. If you spot a snaking line of confused looking individuals following a lady waving an umbrella in the air, these are no doubt also tourists. Likewise, chances are that anyone standing on the left side of the escalator is probably on holiday in the capital.

And then there are the children – taken on a day trip to London to visit a museum, see Big Ben, or generally get in the way. These are more easily spotted by looking for a frazzled Mum: key signs here are the frizzy hair from tube-induced heat; darting eyes attempting to keep track of all four children; or the look of shock that they have just spent a small fortune on sandwiches from Pret.

Why, when we Londoners are trying to get to work, or pick up a pint of milk, do these tourists and families make it harder for us, I hear you complain. I think we forget, living in this vibrant and cosmopolitan capital, that London is actually a pretty cool place. We take the Tower of London, the Southbank and the V&A for granted; we see the Shard as a piece of the furniture; and being able choose from twenty different cuisines on one street is frankly our right. Isn’t it? This is what London does to a person – we become blinkered. We see London as the norm and everything else as the exception, when in fact, London is a flippin’ special place.

So cut the visitors some slack. If they are struggling with their Google maps trying to find the British Museum, point them in the right direction. If they look fed up queuing in Starbucks, suggest a cheaper and quieter alternative round the corner. If they are walking on the right or standing on the left, mention the laws of the land.

And when you yourself are on a city break in Paris, Berlin, Milan, and the locals there are probably viewing you with the same annoying glances and frustration; or when you yourself are occupying the role of parent-on-edge, making sure that the kids are fed, watered, all accounted for, and that they haven’t stolen anything from the museum gift shop, you may think differently. It’s all a matter of perspective. But in the meantime, take a breather and accept that people just want to see our capital. Let’s share the awesomeness of our city, and think, hey, we are immensely lucky to call London our home.

The Tower of London, Agincourt, and being a Londoner

Otherwise entitled: ‘I don’t do those ‘London Things’, I live here’ and other misconceptions of Londoner’s

Tower

It’s a strange thing, living in London, in that those that do reside in the city have rarely done the ‘London’ things. Ask any flat-sharing creative in Shoreditch if they’ve been on the London Eye, or a penguin-suited office worker in the city if they’ve ventured into Madame Tussaud’s, and the answer would probably be no. These things, these ‘London’ things, are for Tourists, right?

With regard to a number of these attractions, I would have to repeat their answer, possibly adding that I don’t actually want to see hundreds of wax people, or that being scared by blood-stained actors in the London Dungeons is hardly my idea of fun. And M&M world? If I wanted to spend £20 on a minute amount of confectionary, I’d go to Harrods, darling – at least I’d get the bag to prove I was ultra-posh-and-sophisticated (would I have to pay 5p for that now?) Tourists and visitors come from far and wide to take in what our city has to offer, but living here, we should have the advantage of knowing what is worth spending money and time on.

Despite being a Londoner for a good four years now, I had never set foot in the Tower of London, brushing it off as another ‘Tourist’ thing to spend a tenner on. How I was mistaken. Aside from the impressive nature of the building itself, the history, exhibitions and stories that go alongside the Tower are fascinating. An added bonus was visiting a) fairly early (I mean BEFORE 11am – aka – very early indeed), and b) on a weekday that was not half term. These factors made for a somewhat calmer explore around the site, and more opportunity to get up close to the various exhibits and interesting bits. Note – all of it is interesting.

I had the opportunity to go to the Royal Armouries’ new exhibition in the White Tower, which has been specially put on to celebrate the 600th year of the Battle of Agincourt. To many, The Battle of Agincourt might only sound familiar because of Shakespeare’s Henry V, or Laurence Olivier’s role in the famous 1944 film adaptation of the play. After visiting, however, I learnt that the Battle of Agincourt was one of the pivotal battles in the Hundred Years War, and is about much more than shooting arrows and chainmail.

Perhaps the most impressive part of the Agincourt exhibition is the epic centrepiece; a (pretty much) historically correct model of the battle featuring over 4000 detailed scale model figures. This is model making taken to an entirely new level. A ridiculous amount of tiny men and horses are posed, mid-battle, mid-mudbath, portraying the utter chaos and destruction of Agincourt. I talked to Alan Perry, one of the modellers who took on the crazy challenge of creating the thousands of figurines, and was suprised to find out he didn’t use a single magnifying glass during the 2 years it took to create the work of art – the modelling was all done with the naked eye. This is one man that possibly should not have gone to Specsavers.

Battle

I left the exhibition enlightened, impressed and grateful; enlightened as to the historical facts and significance of the Battle of Agincourt; impressed at the intricacies of the modelling; and grateful that I wasn’t one of England’s archers wearing 25lbs worth of chainmail on the battlefield. Clearly, we should take this opportunity, in the 600th anniversary of the battle, to learn about one of England’s most important wins against the French. I also couldn’t believe I’d never been to the Tower of London – how could I have passed the site and never set foot inside the ultimate London time capsule?

We should, as Londoners, make a conscious effort to do those bits of the city that we may have discounted as being Touristy options. Not going to some of the best institutions, exhibitions and attractions in the world just because we LIVE here seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face. This is a major misconception (No.1), my fellow London-lodgers. (See list for others).

Londoner’s Misconceptions Continued

  1. Not going to aforementioned ‘London’ things as they are for Tourists.
  2. We actual Londoners need to get to where we want to go MUCH quicker than everyone else. We are MUCH more important.
  3. That we look way cooler holding a take-out coffee.
  4. This coffee can’t be from a chain, though, it has to be from an indie-cold-brew-artisan-roasted-organic-milked caffeine house.
  5. That we live in the best city in the world and everyone else is mad.*

*this is not a misconception. This is wholly and utterly completely true.